Not sure what I'm looking for,
But I remain in front of this door ..
I try knocking, but I hesitate
Afraid of what's behind it,
Afraid of what might be
What if it opens ..
And no one's here but me?

I turn left and right
The darkness is that of night
I don't wanna wait no more
My heart's become so sore
With so many uncertainties
I tremble as I get closer
Reaching out to the knob

Time slows down, as I start to turn it
The door opens, a radiant light stings my eyes
Standing still in the door way
I stare into white light
It starts to slowly dim
.. I hope it doesn't return to night

This past month has been quite an interesting one. I've peaked, but I've also gotten to a quite low point. It started off with me working pretty hard for uni (acing a speech in my Public Speaking class, and working on a story for our uni's magazine), halfway through the month I started losing track of everything, was lazy, missed a couple of classes, let people down. However, it was those things that really woke me up and made me realise how lucky I am. I've got people who truly care about me, friends who are always there for me, people who notice when I'm not my usual self. I'm thankful for everyone I have in my life.

I'm lucky, just to be myself. Sure, there are times when I wish I belonged to another family, one that's less conservative than mine. At the end of it all I realise that I'm exactly where I belong. I love my family endlessly. A person once told me "you don't choose where to be born, but you can create the path that you want, and shape your life how you want." That's what I live by now.


I'll leave you with that, and go enjoy the weather!

It's been a while since I last posted here. I was still on holiday. It's been almost two weeks since I went back to Uni, and let me just say it's good to be back. My thoughts are all over the place, so I'll divide them into categories and just talk about each one.

The Holiday

It was quite relaxing. Spent my days watching Japanese drama series and downloading both Japanese and Korean music. I'm so into them now, it's not even funny. The fan girl inside of me has awakened yet again. I can be quite a serious fan girl sometimes, haha. I didn't read any books in the holiday, even though I hoped I would.

Dramas

I started out watching Hanazakari no Kimi Tachi e, and absolutely loved it! It was cute, funny and touching. Oguri Shun was great! And best of all was Ikuta Toma, I loved his character. My favourite parts was where he'd make scenarios in his head and start talking to himself and make fast hand gestures. Lol that was just cute. I also saw Maou which I LOVED! Toma was really good there, but most of all I loved Ohno Satoshi's performance! Being dark and mysterious really suits him. I was never one to be interested in mystery themed dramas, but this is different. I'd recommend it to anyone to watch. It's that good.I also saw this movie with Matsumuto Jun called Myu no Anyo Papa ni Ageru. It's about a young man who finds out he's got a strange disease eventually stops him from living his life normally. I won't give away anything, but it's really touching. Another movie is Gotaisetsu with Takashi Kashiwabara. It's about this young man who becomes a priest. Not very exciting. The only reason I watched was because of Kashiwabara haha. He's the first Japanese actor that caught my attention, even though he's older than most of the ones I like, he still managed to squeeze himself into the "Hot Actors" list.

Right now I'm watching Ryuusei no Kizuna with Ninomiya Kazunari. It's really good. Nino's serious face is too cute. I've cried in almost every episode, and the opening song to that series is one of my favourites (Beautiful Days by Arashi). Definitely a must watch.

I'm also watching the Korean version of Hana Yori Dango (Boys over Flowers) on television. Let me just say that Kim Hyun Joong looks hotter on the big screen! Hahaha! He plays Rui, one of the F4 members (in the Korean version he's called Yoon Ji Hoo).

Music

My favourite bands right now are Arashi (Japanese) and SS501 (Korean). Can't decide which I like best =P. The Arashi  guys are cute, and SS501 are HOT. Both groups are talented, make great music, and have awesome live performances.

School

I'm excited to be back. Classes are all going great. There was a Drama class that I enrolled in, but it was too crowded and just didn't appeal to me, so I dropped out and enrolled into a World Fiction course which I'm loving! It's also good to be with friends again. I missed laughing for no good reason.

Two of the courses that I'm taking are making us have weekly News Quizzes, so I'm trying my best to be updated with everything. One of them focuses on local news and the other on international news, so I need to be extra updated haha.

For the past few days I've been struggling with a cold and a sore throat. Luckily, I'm 99% cured now. The weather is getting better and better each day! I just came back from an outting with mom and dad, and it was raining out. We saw two different minor car accidents (or slips) on the way back. Dad thought one of them was kinda funny, I didn't. Poor woman. Anywhooo .. I've been watching endless episodes of different shows for the past week. I'm lovin it! I finished Stand Up, and am starting the 4th episode of Hanazakari no Kimi Tachi e.
Stand Up was cute! I loved that guy Nino from Arashi. He's just adorable lol! Can't believe he's 5 years older than me. Even though that was shot in 2003, he still looks the same even now :P different hair style that's all.
Hanazakari is also enjoyable, I prefer Ikuta Toma as Takemoto in Honey & Clover. I just feel that kinda suits him more. Who knows? He remains one of my favourite Japanese actors, that's for sure. I'm dying to watch Maou. Satoshi Ohno is in it! As well as Ikuta Toma. I'm looking forward to seeing Ohno, as I've never seen him act in a drama before.
Okay no more Jdrama talk. I've been working out every other day, and sometimes twice a day. It just makes me feel so good. I really wanna change my body and become more toned. I've been adding many fast paced songs to my ipod, it's awesome how my taste in music is evolving. This year, I'm listening to A LOT of Asian music. Japanese & Korean. My favourites are Arashi and SS501, and I'm still getting to know more bands.

That's all for now, my coffee is getting cold.

Why does it feel like they’ve all left me here alone? It’s as if I’m at a train station, watching the trains go by, none of them is the one I’m meant to take. As I look into the distance, and spot the dim headlights of a coming train, I hope that it’s the one I’m supposed to get on. When it arrives, turns out its not the one for me. How come? It felt like the one I’m supposed to take. Where’s the flaw in this one?

Feels like I’m trapped in the station, like everyone else is moving, but I’m sitting here .. watching them all .. go by ….

I close my eyes as I’m typing this, and imagine I’m sitting on a porch far away, watching people pass me by, looking up at the semi cloudy sky. I hear the sound of buses from a distance. The sound of children laughing, birds singing, a light smell of smoke which may be resulting from cooking. And as I sit alone on the porch with my legs crossed, I can’t help but think and wonder what’s going on in the mind of each individual who passes in front of me. Are they happy? Where are they going? Where are they coming from?

Ever since I can remember, I’ve been the type to wonder a lot. I look at the people I interact with everyday, and wonder what their life is like once they’re home. Are they happy? Do they have dreams and goals that they aspire to? Are they happily in love? Or grieving the loss of someone? Are they lonely? Who knows?